It’s that time of year again, folks — endless lists of year-end roundups are suffocating the Internet. When it comes to your definitive list of 2013’s best memes, the Fortnight on the Internets podcast has the year covered. From Vanyaland favorite “IKEA or Death?” to San Francisco’s heartwarming Batkid, the podcast’s blog is asking its readers to vote for their favorite. But one nominee stands out from the others: Philrotica secures my vote.
I discovered Philrotica via Jezebel. Clearly written as a parody of both fan fiction and bad erotica, Philrotica follows Mary Sue-style character Alison and her exploits with the aging sticksman Phil Collins. Set at the one-time Genesis drummer’s Swiss mansion, Philrotica never disappoints. The mysterious author of this sexy tale is well versed in Phil Collins trivia, making humorous references to song lyrics and personal details.
Take, for example, this exchange between Phil Collins and Alison in chapter two:
‘What is it, Phil Collins?’ she asked.
‘When I told the job agency that I was looking for a maid, I was not being entirely truthful,’ said the ‘Susuddio’ hitmaker. ‘In truth, my requirements were a little more…niche.’
Alison placed a slender hand on her left breast. Her heat was beating faster.
‘Do you mean niche like your covers album Going Back, which sold poorly compared to your more commercial efforts?’
Phil Collins sighed.
‘No,’ he said, and looked Alison directly in the eye. ‘Alison, I may be an eighties’ pop star whose best days are behind him, but I am also a man. A man,’ he concluded, ‘with needs and desires.’
In later chapters, Ringo Starr appears as Phil Collins’ arch nemesis. Philrotica is as clever as it is funny. The story’s anonymous author even runs a Twitter account so dedicated readers never miss a new chapter. Will Philrotica be the next Fifty Shades of Gray? We can only hope.