There are a lot of ways we could lecture readers on how to be better versions of themselves in 2017.
Stay hella hydrated (guaranteed).
Eat more kale (we think this is still cool).
Only read news from dependable sources (since you’re here reading this article, gold star).
Admittedly, our advice can’t compare to that of a man who glues sequins to his bald head and sports chunky silver platform shoes on the daily. If anyone knows how to live glamorously in the new year, it’s Tad McKitterick of Boston glam rock explosion Sidewalk Driver.
In honor of their upcoming show at Great Scott in Allston this Saturday — a wonderful bill with Party Bois, Goddamn Draculas, and Swivel — Sidewalk Driver’s larger-than-life frontman has compiled a list of ways to make your year ahead extra dazzling. From embracing your inner diamond to donning glitter, we all have room for improvement, but if you’re not ready to chuck your Greek yogurt yet, then checking off the items on this list and checking out Sidewalk Driver this weekend is a great way to start 2017.
Without further ado, Vanyaland presents Tad from Sidewalk Driver’s easy-breezy guide to living fabulously this year and beyond. Featured photo up top by Pat Piasecki.
12. Be a diamond
Sparkly, sharp, and hard AF. Don’t ever worry about others trying to scratch you. They can’t.
11. The only person who is NOT allowed to talk about how fabulous you are is you.
Let other people do that for you. But if it’s just your mom it doesn’t count.
10. Saying “yes” is essential to having fabulous adventures.
You want to look back fondly on YESterdays not regretfully on NOterdays.
9. Don’t ever use words like NOterdays.[NOted.]
8. There’s nothing out there for you after 4 a.m.
I don’t recommend doing anything involving other people (fully clothed) between 4 and 7 a.m. Just trust me on this.
7. Don’t kid yourself; Greek yogurt is still just a fad.[Noted, the sequel.]
6. Make up dankulous adjectives.
Don’t fuck up the language, but absotively embellish it. Also, any portmanteau in a storm. Oftways.
5. Make it, don’t take it.
Be creative and make your world as you want it, don’t just take other people’s truths as your own. Now, if taking something helps you make something, that’s all you.
4. Be generous.
With compliments, time, and material things. Give your light away, but not to the point where you’re left in darkness.
3. Glitter is the new Black.
Always has been, always will be.
2. Fabulous loves to revel in other people’s fabulous.
Enjoy the successes of those around you. Being a jealous or resentful bitch is never fabulous.
1. DON’T GET SLOPPY! Ever.
If you must get sloppy, do it only in front of your best friend. They owe you that much for letting them sit shotgun in your fabulous life.