This trailer for ‘Woody Woodpecker’ is the scariest horror movie of 2017

The cold embrace of death itself awaits all of us, but not for Woody Woodpecker. He stands towering above us, an immortal and terrible giant, a part of the fictional ether that humanity will contribute to the dream cosmos that will remain long after we disappear from this world.

This netherworld of color and sound is impossible to glimpse from our current viewpoint- after all, we have breath to draw and love in our hearts — but as the corners of your vision begin to fade and the light recedes from the high-water mark of your existence in this plane, there’s only one thing that you’ll hear: The sound of this monster’s laugh.

Here’s the trailer:

Have you ever wondered what the end will look like?

Perhaps you’ll be standing on the rocky shores of Vancouver Island, somewhere outside of time, far away from your loved ones, as you watch the grey sky itself transform into a pus-colored shell of itself and the water, our origin source that once teemed with the components of life itself, empty and fill with a mechanical gray goo.

There’s nothing left in either and the loneliness only starts to get worse and worse, amplified by the dread. You wish someone was there beside you, to share in the repulsion, to certify the intensity of your feeling, and to perhaps alleviate it somewhat (though it’s a small consolation), but no one will come.

As the stench of sulfur begins to creep through the air and your skin slowly begins to slough off, you turn your thoughts to the past — to memories you hold close and dear, to mistakes you have made, to the things that you will never do now that it’s all over. There is no acceptance in the present and no future to behold whatsoever, so the past is your only refuge.

But the words keep coming to you over and over and over again. They sound foreign, as your comprehension of language begins to collapse and your neurons atrophy:

Woody Woodpecker on DVD and Digital HD February 6.”

And then nothing.

Image via Universal.