There have always been horror movies about urban legends and folklore, but there’s never really been a horror movie ripped from the ample amount of creepypasta that’s floating around in the bowels of the internet.
So, Sony Pictures has finally decided to pursue that in earnest (let’s hope we get an actual version of Squidward’s Suicide from Paramount now), and they’re making a movie about every child born after 9/11’s favorite supernatural character: The Slenderman. The title of this movie shows just how well they know the character, too, given that it’s called Slender Man, with that totally character-accurate space in the middle of his name. It’s generic and not in the slightest scary, so why wouldn’t you want to watch it?
We’d be less annoyed if perhaps the trailer’s spoopy blacks and white bits didn’t look like they were strip-mined from a Bray Wyatt promo on your average Monday Night Raw taping, or if this film looked like it was going to do anything different with the supernatural horror genre, but we’ve hit a weird saturation point with this meme.
There’s already been an effective permutation of the Slenderman used in Doctor Who, to the point where we had trouble actually remembering if the Slenderman had an alien face or not. But it looks like more of the same, just wrapped up in trappings made for your average redditor. Let’s also not forget that there’s also been one truly terrifying documentary made about the character, Beware the Slenderman, about two 12 year-old girls who nearly stabbed another child to death back in 2014. Read the Wikipedia page and try to imagine how this movie, with all its “fucked-up” imagery, could ever top this story’s chills.
Here’s a film synopsis: In a small town in Massachusetts, four high school girls perform a ritual in an attempt to debunk the lore of SLENDER MAN. When one of the girls goes mysteriously missing, they begin to suspect that she is, in fact, HIS latest victim.
Slender Man hits theaters on May 18.
Image via Sony Pictures.