It was a sparsely-watched Super Bowl this year, as only 103.4 million people watched the Philadelphia Eagles beat the Patriots in order to win their first championship on Sunday. To say the mood in Boston is subdued today is accurate, and we're now starting to slowly arise from the hangovers that came after everybody drank themselves into oblivion last night. Still, there was one aspect of last night's game that didn't disappoint, regardless of which team you were rooting for: the small previews for Hollywood's largest summer offerings that were sprinkled amongst shitty commercials for Tide and Ram trucks like specks of gold in a muddy river. Here's our ranking of this year's Super Bowl trailers from worst to best, with appearances from the cast of the original Cloverfield, Tom Cruise, The Rock, a bunch of dinosaurs and a young Han Solo amongst many more.
Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom
We’re still not sold on this one, no matter how much Universal wants to spend on this 90-Second Super Bowl spot, and we’re going to just come out and say it: If we hear another somber version of John Williams’ iconic theme, we’re gonna put our fists through our television. We get it! Shit’s dark! Little girls are getting intimidated by weird dinosaurs in their bedrooms! The volcano on the island is blowing the fuck up! But Jesus Christ, it didn’t work in the marketing for the first one and it’s not working now. We’re getting retreads of the plot of the last film as well — they’ve created a Franken-Dino that’s gonna kill everybody or something and the military-industrial complex is behind it or something — but now a cuter kid is involved and there’s sure to be some stomach-turning comic relief present. It’s probably going to gross eight hundred million dollars. We hope you’re happy, America.